he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
