just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
