i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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