Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
