I just pynch a tree in the face
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
