I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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