She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
