piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
