just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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