I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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