The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
