"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
