what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
