No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
