i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
