This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
