He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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