I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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