I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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