We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
