you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
