Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
