I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
