I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
