you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
