he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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