I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
