I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
