yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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