genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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