Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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