She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.