I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.