he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize