Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.