I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.