It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.