The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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