I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
