Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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