I will die if light touches me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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