Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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