saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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