If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
