I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
