There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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