You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
zippers are such a cool invention
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
