It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
