PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
