Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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