Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
