he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
