my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
