He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's Friday. Sex?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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