He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
