Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
