I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
