So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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