Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
