batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
