Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
