Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
COCAINE IS GR8
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize