Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
