shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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