They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
