The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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