I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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