he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
